A New Beginning

I've just finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephan Chbosky. For the record, I read it in a span of exactly 9 hours, in which 4 of those I was working. I simply couldn't stop. When Lissa told me that it would change my life, I thought she was being dramatic, as Lissa is occasionally wont to do. (Or most of the time. It's okay, darling, it's why I love you. Also, because you're fabulous. Also, crazy.)

She wasn't.

Wallflower is a difficult pill to swallow, simply because Chbosky has bottled the way I thought as a teenager, the insecurities, the emotion, everything I felt then.

It was uncomfortable, I'll be honest. It was not pleasant to dredge up the feelings of vast insecurity and loneliness that occasionally plagued me in my lower teenage years. (Give me a break, I'm a month from being 20.) I remember what it was like, to wonder if I was normal, if these daydreams I had in my head made me crazy. Or the fact that sometimes, I just talked too much and I couldn't stop, even when I knew I was making everyone uncomfortable.

Charlie, the main, comments, "I stared at my reflection and the trees behind it for a long time. Not thinking anything. Not feeling anything. Not hearing the record. For hours. Something is really wrong with me. And I don't know what it is."

I remember that feeling, too.

But mostly, I sympathize with Charlie when he feels he can't be honest with anyone.
Near the end of the novel, he finally realizes that he has to, that we only have one chance to be honest and real with anyone.

I'm realizing that too.

So here it is, me being honest.

My name is Kristen. I'm 19. I like reading, thinking, debating, listening, and hanging out. I love movies, music, and above all, books. I love writing and being with people. I love history and theatre. I would love theatre more if it had less political bullshit.  I pride myself on being casual and open, and on my vocabulary and intelligence.

I like the way I look, although I often wish I could laugh without looking like a man. I'm much skinner than I used to be, but that has nothing to do with how much happier I am now. I don't know how I feel about God, although if he is up there, he has a lot to answer for. I think that people are inherently good, and left to their own, they usually do good things. People are incredibly noble, if you let them be.

I think undefined romantic relationships are underrated. I know my family will never know how much I love them. And I wish my friends knew how much I miss them, here in what I call the "lonely desert". And I hate living my life through a telephone. I miss the people in my life who have died.

Overall, I try to live my life by the rules Richard Dawkins wrote about:

-Do not do anything to anyone you would not apprieciate having done to you.
-In all things, strive to cause no harm.
-Trust your fellow human beings, your fellow living beings, and the world in general with love, honesty, faithfulness, and respect.
-Do not overlook evil or wrongdoing, but always be willing to forgive things freely admitted and honestly regretted.
-Live live with a sense of joy, wonder, and boundless optimism.
-Always seek to learn something new.
-Test all things, always check your ideas againist the facts. Be ready to discard a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.
-Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent. Always respect another's right to disagree with you.
-Form independant opinions on the basis of your own reason and expierience; do not allow yourself to be blindly led.
-Value the future on a timescale longer than your own.
-Do not indoctrinate your children. Teach them to think for themselves, how to evaluate evidence, and how to disagree with you.
-Enjoy your own sex life, and leave others to enjoy theirs in private whatever their inclinations, which are none of your buisness.
-Do not discriminate on the basis of race, sex, or sexual preference. 
-Question everything.

It's 6 am. I'm tired, and ready to sleep. Now only if my mind will let me.

-Kristen